A Closetful of Friends ... and no one to care

I'e always loved Georgia O'Keefe's quote, "Nobody sees a flower, really, it is so small. We haven't time -- and to see takes time like to have a friend takes time."

In this age of racing to accumulate as many friends as possible on various social networks, I can't help but compare that to people hoarding closets full of clothes, and still having nothing to wear. With all of those "friends," how many are really on hand to hear you out -- fully and completely -- on that occasion that you need to cry until every last tear is purged, or to bring you the proverbial chicken soup when you are too weak to get up from your bed?

I recently read about an Oxford anthropologist determining that the human brain's cognitive power limits the size of the social networks we can sustain. Therefore, our outside limit for human friendship is about 150 people.

I recognize that some people -- particularly in the arts -- use their social networks as a means of getting the word out about their latest gallery events, concert performances or book launches. They understand that they are not necessarily forming relationships with people they expect to have heart-to-hearts with anytime soon.

But what about the rest who "friend" others with a zeal that might be put to far better use in the world?

For some people, it's all about the very collecting of friends, as many as possible. Their wall-to-wall posts resemble frantic ping pong matches:

"How long you gonna be in town?"

"Not sure. Can't wait to see you, too!"

"Hey, maybe we can get up a posse of Tom and Dick and Harry while you're here!"

"Yeah, that'd be great!"

Only, the gathering will likely never occur, and a year down the road, there'll be an encore of similar dialogue and the same result. And even if by some miracle, the gathering materializes, how much meaningful exchange ensues?

But, oh heck, at least you tried, didn't you?!?

Oh, no judgment here from me. Not really. Just a reality check. And it is this:

If reaching out to as many people as possible is your preference, so be it. But bear in mind that when you do catch up, you cannot expect those whom you keep on the eternal periphery of your life to share confidences because you finally happen to be there at that moment. Prepare for nothing else than a brief exchange of good cheer.

Because to have anything more means that you have to be a friend -- a REAL friend. And as Ms. O'Keefe said, that takes time.